Anyone who knows me well (maybe 5 or 6 people, besides my children) would agree that I am a very complicated person. Complicated in the sense that I can easily disconnect from others. It’s hard for me to create a connection with people, and as the connection grows, so grows the pressure and anxiety to be good and to be caring and to never make a mistake. It feels to me like walking on a thin crystal, which can break at any moment.
Because socialization is and has been always so hard and so intense to me, I learned to just avoid it, until my children were born. I am very lucky to have given birth to my two children. Indeed, they have taught me to love, to use my passion for good, and to develop and direct my creativity into a happy world that they create day to day with every simple step.
As I shared with Understood in this short article, it’s hard to define myself. My mind is like a multi-lane highway of thoughts coming and going in different directions. I don’t know how to stop doing something when I get too excited, and other times; I just don’t know how to start or how to keep focus on anything at all.
Some days I wake up to the feeling of being the smartest and most amazing human being, while others I can hardly organize my thoughts to speak or write well. Some days my mind is just too busy that all I can do is just to sit down and wait for stillness.
Even though I still deal with my everyday human confusion, and often hide from others because natural socialization is not a reality in my brain, for the first time in my life I feel proud of myself. This happened after been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. That, and having two children with Down syndrome, has taught me several lessons:
- We all need accommodations in order to be successful.
- The illusion of perfection is just that, an illusion.
- Our most amazing power is self-awareness.
- Until you are able to accept your weaknesses, you will not find the strength of your gifts.
- When you understand that there is a reason behind your challenges, you can finally breathe and forgive yourself for the painful mistakes and for all the hurt you’ve caused to yourself.
If you are a fan of “Once Upon a Time” you’ll understand my point when I say that I think I have found a way to write myself a happy ending. I accept myself; so I am in a position of taking full advantage of my super powers. I have stopped trying to be average.
How I do it?
- Well, as a mother, I have the two most amazing and perfect children I could have ever dreamt of. I learn from them every day. They go slow, while I go faster than others, so we have found a magical balance where we all have learned to respect and celebrate each other.
- As a professional, I have a perfect job with no schedule that allows me to be creative, to be passionate, and to be an advocate for others. For the first time in my life, being mouthy is a gift, a gift that helps and empowers others to speak up for the ones they love.
- As an individual, I went back to school, and for the first time I feel as though I am truly learning. I feel excited about learning more and achieving my dream of earning my master in Behavior Analysis. What’s the difference between the past and the present? I am an online student; I advance at my own pace. I don’t need to sit down for hours or stress out about time or people around me. This is my best accommodation and it’s working.
The best part of all, I’m not embarrassed anymore to accept who I am. I have learned something amazing in this thirty-some years living with ADHD,
- I don’t need as many friends as others do
- My joy has a different face,
- And my emotions are very selective and get attached to only those who are honest and caring enough to love me and accept me just the way I am.
I owe my life to them, and they know I’m worth it, because my love is beyond powerful and sincere, selective and true for I am nothing if I am not authentically me.